The RS forums and all the myriad fan forums do not do one damn thing except piss and moan about all the shitty updates. So, the Jagex Brothers or someone cobbled up this gem and threw it out on the RSHumor website.
Now that we have all had the chance to recover from my attempt at "humor, parody, sterilization and lampooning" of SETI@Home, I am ready to tell you about another facet of my geek-dom. Now, that last post was an attempt to make people laugh. If I bored or frustrated anyone, I apologize. I cannot guarantee that it will not happen again; it might happen within the next 50 years, but odds are I'm going to try and amuse you RIGHT NOW. According to my room mate Opal, who routinely wants to call 911 when I act like this in real life, I am not, contrary to my own belief getting funnier as I get older. Well... Opal lived with me in the same room when we stayed at Chez Homeless Shelter/Asylum/Bug-Infested Shit-Hole for almost a year; she has nothing to complain about. I'm out of my mind. If anything, the freedom of not having to deal with the likes of Mr. C., Pimp My Ride, and the truly wiggy Voodoo Rob has allowed me to revel in and expand my bizarreness.
Anyway, I am not your typical gamer. I am not a 15-year old hormonal teenager who hangs out in a cave, slurping Mountain Dew and eating wads of Cheetos, Skittles and pizza; peeing in a bottle, because I might get killed by an evil tree while I walk three feet to the loo. I am 56 years old and female. I play only one game online. This is Runescape. It's what is known as an MMORPG (ost hat eful, corrosive attitudes I've ever run into and I couldn't even get out of the training area in COD. I have been stuck under an obstacle and can't get out. I have been there for four years. I am not enjoying this game. I do play a little Tanki, which is this off the wall game whereby you get in a pit with a bunch of players, drive around like a maniac, and use your T-34 or German .88 missiles to blow the shit out of your opponents. Because the game was created and is administrated by some Russian game designers, everyone babbles in Russian. My Russian is even suckier than my English. The conductor Yuri Timarkanov is sure that I am from Poland because of my accent when speaking Russian. O rly? Well. My parents were both from Scotland. Daddy had a typical Glaswegian accent; Ma was from Edinburgh and her accent was vaguely Manchester-ish, north-of-England variety. Craziness abounded in my house.
My Tanki-tank, Trostky-Lenin0097 confuses the players in the pits when they read my tank battle title. My Russian is not as good as my tank driving. I run over everything with abandon and jump off parapets, so you can imagine .
You get the idea. I do play some games, but they have to be something I can tear up to keep my attention. This brings me to Crazy Roller Coaster. I think you can only run it in Chrome, as it came from their app store. This game is a total scream. I actually figured out how to play it like a normal child, but I prefer the kind of open-endedness that allows one to explore one's hidden talent as a mass-murderer.
Level One, for those following along at home.
Of course, all you really accomplish is the collection of a bunch of items that eat up your bank space. I usually just drop them on the floor and the "Happy Acres" resident bums who lurk in banks snarfle them up. The only thing these spongers are good at is making money. The sawmill guy has got to be the richest man in RS. And he's an asshole to boot. I have dubbed this quest, "129,748 Useless Favors." One of these days, when you have time, I'll tell you about "The Underground Pass" quest, which I have dubbed "The Underpants Pass." It's riveting.
A DIFFERENT KIND OF SIFOTS
Since we're pottering about in RS, I continue the theme with some virtual SIFOTS. Some of this nonsense might be pick-uppable in the real world, but probably not.
It's not just the NPCs who are clueless, the actual Forum Moderators are dolts, too.
This hung around Runescape for about 2 years. It has an actual theme song some yo-yo made up and recorded on YouTube. First person who finds it and emails me at email@example.com gets a time bomb.
Oops. How did this get here?
SpiritZ Stock Holder Meeting.
Why the Hell isn't he on his Saturday Show? I hate gate-crashers.
Only three hands? Everyone knows it's four. Pinhead.
Yes; Jagex had an IPO and now any old riff raff can join.
The screenshot heard 'round the world.
Class of 2006
"Quit playing my organ, and get the Hell out of my house! Stalker!
In future, I will tell you a bit more about the indigenous populations of RS and other MMORPGs and also we can take a peek at the economies of some of these games, and how they mirror the real world.
So, that's our post for now. The editorial staff needs to get on the stick and plan this shit better. Fun-lovers, please do not email me with hate mail. If you play WoW, stick it in your ear!
Ciao my loves. I'll bellow at ya soon!