SIFOTS SERIAL EPI; MUST-READ EXCITEMENT!!, BRIEF INTERLUDE, CAL WORTHINGTON REDUX - YA WANNA BUY A USED CAR?

SIFOTS SERIAL EPI

At the end of our last episode, as you will recall, Theodore killed Junior in a fit of indifference.

"The SIFOTS urban renewal project came to an abrupt end, when Theodore crushed Junior with his backhoe. Theodore is in jail awaiting arraignment for Reckless Homicide. The wake for Junior will be held at Happy Acres. Bring your own weapons."

THE END

That was last episode, so now we're all in the same page, and on it, too, I might add. It's easier right now to type explanations than it is to backspace. But, I digress.

STAY TUNED FOR THE SHOCKING CONCLUSION OF...


SIFOTS SERIAL EP

It was a beautiful night in SIFOTS-ville. The tiny town was bathed in a soft light, the kind of light one might see when living behind the local family-owned convenience store. Light that is not exactly luminescent, but just lights up the back wall and  SIFOTS-ville. SIFOTS-ville is located on and around our front porch: 

I took about 4 of these; this is the best of the lot 

Anyway, the locals are still a-buzz about the Theodore and Junior thing, but they're rapidly being diverted by the house that burned down one block north of SIFOTS-ville and the two accidents that occurred within days of each other at the intersection of Nebraska Avenue and Floribraska Avenue.

Just an aside. What in hell kind of name is "Floribraska?" I find this unimaginative and somehow vaguely plagiarism-like. I'm surprised we don't have a "Michida" Boulevard, "Wisifornia" Street and "Georginois" Lane. People aren't confused enough here in Tampa, I guess.


So, we are still all a-gog and a-tilt at the passing of Junior, but this seems to be just a portent. There have been ominous signs indeed, that things are changing here in SIFOTS-ville.


Tonight, we've been out looking at the night sky. For once, we can see the actual stars instead of klieg lights from above. The police helicopters have not been hovering with search lights lately, as the felons skip gaily from back yard to back yard, and baying hounds are heard in the distance. Things have been quiet here... Or have they?

All is pretty and quiet; peace abounds

Consternation and screaming ensue. Panic and pandemonium, as the sky (and trees?) begin to melt, or the picture-taker has a fit...

Wild horses (singular) run through SIFOTS-ville

She bows down to her God, Mr. Ed

Okay, so she's a plastic horse and there's only one of her, and there's a scrape in her side; she's still a harbinger of death. A psychopomp, if you will. Come to escort us to that Underworld, where crappy sitcoms go into syndication or $1.00 carload, double-billed, grade-Z horrors; at the "renovated" or "old" drive-in movie theaters... forever.

"Angelique," as she wishes to be known (we learn this telepathically) decides to stop and play a little croquet.

M'kay; you're doing it wrong, plastic horse. We are no longer so terrified

She quickly wields her mallet with stunning expertise, shocking all who watch. Her malevolent gaze (ok, it's the same blah stare she's had since she was molded) rakes over us. We just notice that it's daylight. 

Is this magic? Is it a time-warp continuum? Is it because the mallet and ball were just found and brought home by JC today, thereby giving me some shred of hope for anything resembling a plot, albeit a slim one??

The rockets begin to land, bringing forth their deadly cargo

Forward they come; determined to engulf us in their bright, screaming flamingo pink hues, Hell-bent on conquering Florida, or SIFOTS-ville, whichever is easier

The Horror! Ahh!

More Horror!!! Argh!!!!

And More blah.... blah.... blah...

AIYEEEEE!!!!! ARGGGHHH!!! Residents are swallowed by pinkness!

NOOOOOO!!!!!

In the nick of time, the National Guard lands on the curb with their Attack Feline, Herman.

The battle is so ferocious that we cannot bear witness to it. 

Translation: We are lazy and can't come up with anything else epic. What do you expect with no budget, a camera phone, plastic cast-off crap from the street, and no imagination? This isn't Spielberg.

Calm has returned to SIFOTS-ville. Melba and Ruth decide a little fishing with their hairpin poles will help to ease their nerves.

THE END

(Credits Roll)

We don't have any more money in our budget for this episode

BRIEF INTERLUDE

La la la la, Dee dee dee, Ho Hum

CAL WORTHINGTON REDUX - YA WANNA BUY A USED CAR?

When I was a kid growing up in California, Cal Worthington, Used Car Nabob was everywhere. I saw him first LA, then he showed up as a Midnight Merchant on local San Jose TV. Ol' Cal was probably in San Diego too, but I was too young at the time. He was one of those polyester-suited, comb-overed, buck-toothed, sheistery kind of used car salesmen that everyone loves to denigrate. His suits were always some atrocious pattern, plaids, paisleys, or seashells, in god-awful hues that made your eyes bleed for days on end. 

Anyway, JC has been perusing the used car ads here. I was not aware that there was so much entertainment to be had in these stupid ads. He has kindly given me the best of the crop, so far. I fear... er, I look forward to more of these little jewels.

You'll save at the pump all right, because you will have been hacked to death by irate motorists for driving in the fast lane of I-75 at rush hour

I've heard of "Dealer's Markup," but this is atrocious!

I guess at 6 years and 1 day, it turns into a Yugo?

Well, those are all the delusional ravings I have for you now. I enjoy doing all this nonsense, and I hope you have fun reading this as much as I do putting it together. It's all pretty ad-hoc, if anyone cares to know, which I suspect you don't and really cannot blame you. I know it looks really planned out and all, but surprise! It's not.

Anyway, I'll be back soon with another bunch of SIFOTS, just as soon as we collect some. If any of you have any to share, please send me pics.

A little RS Report coming up; we're all going on a King Black Dragon hunt this weekend. Someone will die; it's usually me.

Love and light,

Mary

STREET DREAMZ - SIFOTS, CELEBRATING MENTAL ILLNESS MONTH, NEWS FROM NEBRASKA AVENUE, 33605, AND BEYOND

STREET DREAMZ

Courtesy, Intrepid Finder, Opal

Sweet dreams aren't made of this...

Who am I to disagree-eeee

I traveled the world of the Seven Seas,

Everybody's looking for something...

(boom-boom-boom, za-za, boom-boom-boom-za-za-za)

Some just want to lose you...

Some just want to be schmoozed by you...

Some just want to accuse you...

Some just want to be seduced...


(repeat 87 times...)

I just couldn't resist this; my roomie Opal dragged this home and I decided it was boffo and I should open with this. There are these "entrepreneurs" who sell these horrible little bootlegged CDs on the street corners. They are usually full of viruses, were recorded on boomboxes, using shitty remixes playing the same annoying three notes with a screaming female in the background, for 18 minutes.  The bass speakers are shredded and these things just generally suck and sound like a dogfight on steroids, A-BOOM-BOOMING!!! Up and down Nebraska they speed, in Abrams A1 Tank-sized, 150K SUVs with pearl paint jobs, that cost about 20k and with light-up wheels that are another 2k. Oh Goody! The Circus is here. 

Anyway those shitty little CDs are 5 bucks, work about 3 times and then croak. So, supply and demand is endless. The enterprising young thugs who make these things have YouTube accounts that are generally shut down, due to some outrage committed on YT. Think about that. How horrible do you have to be to get banned from YouTube?

Anyway, I have a wonderful of  SIFOTS for this post. Let's get to it!

"Ayuh, Hiram; the fishing is sucking here. Let's try the Gulf for a change of pace"

It's a damned shame about "Bertie's Used Cars" on Floribraska Avenue. This was all that was left behind, these battered logos and a purple knee. Even the building was stolen. 

SIFOTS Urban Renewal Project

The construction project to widen and improve the sidewalk began on schedule

It continued apace; SIFOTS urban renewal was becoming a reality, although the equipment was miniaturized briefly, because the picture editor is an idiot

Theodore moved several ounces of SIFOTS, while Junior took a break. The SIFOTS urban renewal project was still moving along with breath-taking rapidity

The SIFOTS urban renewal project came to an abrupt end, when Theodore crushed Junior with his backhoe. Theodore is in jail awaiting arraignment for Reckless Homicide. The wake for Junior will be held at Happy Acres. Bring your own weapons

CELEBRATING MENTAL ILLNESS MONTH

Anyone who knows me at all, knows I have had an interesting past few years. In fact, I have led an interesting life. Recently, it got even more interesting. I am not one to cringe from anything that might possibly be an affliction, or character trait of mine. I don't believe any condition should be stigmatized. I do take exception to people with illnesses brought on by 40 years of hard-living, but in cases where they have realized they have injured themselves and are trying to live a cleaner life and a longer, happier one, I bear no ill will, do not judge them and will help as I can. My mother died of emphysema after 15 long painful years of suffering; she had smoked for 40 years, but quit on diagnosis. She was a gallant woman; lived to age 70 fully, and I promised her close to her death in 2002, that I too would quit smoking, which I finally did, when I was hospitalized for two months in 2010 with an Organ Recital of deficiencies. I hate Organ Recitals, unless it's Bach, and this ain't.

Anyway, after all the trauma and upheaval since 2004, I felt I was beginning to relax and things were getting better and less... interesting. Wrong.

Briefly, because I really want to move and enjoy the rest of creating this blog, in February, I started blacking out; losing any sense of time. I started forgetting things, and being unable to concentrate. Part of this has been with me for a bit; I do suffer from anxiety and depression, but these symptoms were getting worse. I began to stay up for days and days with no sleep. I began to lose weight. My psych drugs were not slowing me down one bit; I knew I didn't have to wait long for my Psych appointment, so I didn't call my Doctor. I could manage.

Um-hmm. Oh yeah. I had a psychic break; I do not remember March. I was committed under the Baker Act of Florida to a Mental ward in St Joseph's hospital on March 7, came home briefly, went back and was released on March 31, 2012. I was committed not because I was suicidal, but because I was a danger to myself. Long story short, the admitting Psych Doctor released me from the Committal less than 24 hours after I was taken in by the Crisis Center. I did have to stay for the physical part. With proper follow up and care, I will be back to my rotten old self. I have already put on 15 lbs (I was again 88 lbs on discharge,) improved in my mental outlook and thank God, am now on an anti-seizure, bi-polar med. Hooray for better living through chemicals! Just kidding.

I don't believe in keeping this from anyone; hiding pain and fear and weirdness doesn't work. It's great to believe one is having some kind of epiphany, but I was not seeing God or Chthulu. I was delusional; I am mentally ill, bi-polar and have some neurological problems. My friend Holly, who lived at Happy Acres with me has dealt with this all her life. What a relief to talk with her about this and have her tease me. My psych teases me, now. He's a great doctor Thank God for my JC and Opal. If my two angels had not been here and I had been alone, I don't believe I would have lived. They helped care for me, until I got so bad, JC had no choice but to call the Crisis Center. I love him dearly and am so lucky to have him. Opal is a wonder and we're a family; we were all alone. Now, we're not! So, that's how I celebrated Mental Health Month. I understand today, April 17th is Stress Awareness Day; I'm passing on observing that one. Heh.

NEWS FROM NEBRASKA AVENUE, 33605, AND BEYOND 

Well, a house burned down about a block north of here this morning, across from the Checkers. No one seems to know about it, but there were lots of fire trucks and some police. Stay tuned for breaking news on this.

Four people were hauled off to TGH from Happy Acres over the weekend. The HA "enforcer" was off getting drunk, on a weekend, when it's most dangerous there, so it's Business As Usual at HA. Naturally, this means it is time for a hoe-down, or "ho-down" as it's known over at HA. This was followed by the annual Knife Fights and RiverDance Stomp. I guess a good time was had by all. You can always tell how much fun there was by the number of bodies the ambulances haul away.

Ho-earrings; they are all over the place. I don't even want to think about how the gals (and some guys) lose them

I really really hope  Vlad Țepeș  hasn't left the Salvation Army Shelter and moved into this neighborhood. He's gonna have trouble competing for minions if he has

Alrighty, then... One reason why the nation is full of idiots. While trying to find anything about the fire this morning, lookee at what I found! Maybe SETI@home got crossed with Faux News... or not

Okay, enough of this chin-wag for now. I am attempting to assert limits on my blogs, per the Google Creativity project. I'm getting better, *snort.*

More in a few days; I have some more faboo stuff to share! Thanks, JC and so much love from my whole being. You fill my life with light and you find wonderful SIFOTS. I love you! 

Opal, you know you are the best, in my eyes. Thanks for your love and fun. Also, thanks for the SIFOTS from your travels.

Fearless readers, thank you for each and every one of you. You do care and I have felt the love and concern from you all. The vectors for socialization have changed for me, but not the inherent love, humor, wisdom and challenges. Take care and see you soon! <3

CYBER-SLACKERS, WHY ARE NPCs SO INCOMPETENT IN RUNESCAPE? IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF SIFOTS

CYBER-SLACKERS

The RS forums and all the myriad fan forums do not do one damn thing except piss and moan about all the shitty updates. So, the Jagex Brothers or someone cobbled up this gem and threw it out on the RSHumor website.

Now that we have all had the chance to recover from my attempt at "humor, parody, sterilization and lampooning" of SETI@Home, I am ready to tell you about another facet of my geek-dom. Now, that last post was an attempt to make people laugh. If I bored or frustrated anyone, I apologize. I cannot guarantee that it will not happen again; it might happen within the next 50 years, but odds are I'm going to try and amuse you RIGHT NOW. According to my room mate Opal, who routinely wants to call 911 when I act like this in real life, I am not, contrary to my own belief getting funnier as I get older. Well... Opal lived with me in the same room when we stayed at Chez Homeless Shelter/Asylum/Bug-Infested Shit-Hole for almost a year; she has nothing to complain about. I'm out of my mind. If anything, the freedom of not having to deal with the likes of Mr. C., Pimp My Ride, and the truly wiggy Voodoo Rob has allowed me to revel in and expand my bizarreness.


Anyway, I am not your typical gamer. I am not a 15-year old hormonal teenager who hangs out in a cave, slurping Mountain Dew and eating wads of Cheetos, Skittles and pizza; peeing in a bottle, because I might get killed by an evil tree while I walk three feet to the loo. I am 56 years old and female. I play only one game online. This is Runescape. It's what is known as an MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role-playing game) and is one of the better ones. There is a phenomena that presents itself in all of these games, and the two main characteristics that define them all are 1) homogeneous populations, and 2) economies that mirror our global economy. I tried the supposedly more popular MMORPGs, WoW (World of Warcraft) and COD (Call of Duty.) WoW has one of the most hat eful, corrosive attitudes I've ever run into and I couldn't even get out of the training area in COD. I have been stuck under an obstacle and can't get out. I have been there for four years. I am not enjoying this game. I do play a little Tanki, which is this off the wall game whereby you get in a pit with a bunch of players, drive around like a maniac, and use your T-34 or German .88 missiles to blow the shit out of your opponents. Because the game was created and is administrated by some Russian game designers, everyone babbles in Russian. My Russian is even suckier than my English. The conductor Yuri Timarkanov is sure that I am from Poland because of my accent when speaking Russian. O rly? Well. My parents were both from Scotland. Daddy had a typical Glaswegian accent; Ma was from Edinburgh and her accent was vaguely Manchester-ish, north-of-England variety. Craziness abounded in my house.


My Tanki-tank, Trostky-Lenin0097 confuses the players in the pits when they read my tank battle title. My Russian is not as good as my tank driving. I run over everything with abandon and jump off parapets, so you can imagine . 


To have a truly enjoyable experience in any of these games, I need to be able to completely subvert the intended process. Please, gamers, do not send me an email bitching about me being a pain in the ass; I already know that. I'm not hacking, scamming or luring you. I am not exploiting a bug and I am not spoiling your fun. I played GTA Four for quite a while. I never completed any of the tasks. I just drove around, running over the hot dot vendors, moms with baby buggies and ran into buildings and occupied police cars. 


Playing Runescape is a full 24/7 job for some and playing the game has all the charm of working in a sweat shop, with out the pesky transportation thing going on. Of course, you also don't have the pesky paycheck thing to go along with that. However, I hear that the Wi-Fi signal is strong under bridges now.


So, check out this transcript. My dear, kind friend, Rod Chatfield, has given me permission to share this:  

• 
  
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • whats up?
  • i'm loading software tonight/...
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • The usual hoo-hah. and you?
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • computer stuff..
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • aah, just one of my favorite things; right under having the squirts, throwing up, and dying
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • nice... lol
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • yeah, I too am doing computer stuff...
  • yeah, ain't it, though
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • :
    actually, I;m playing Runescape
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • downloading files now..
  • runescape??
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • and running arrays for SETI@home and Cosmology at Cambridge Uni in England
  • yes, a most excellent MMORPG
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • nice
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • I love this game
  • I am not a typical gamer
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • i try not to use them.. I get addicted..
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • This is the only game I play

• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • and I'm a ranked player
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 
  • they can be a lot of fun.
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • the game is insane and I belong to a Clan, and we're definitely crazy
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • kind of late for you..
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • I have tons of stories
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • lol nice
• 
  

  
  
• 
  

  • Thanks honey; it will be alright. Also, I got my purse stolen yesterday. I couldn't even scrape up any emotion more intense than complete indifference, lol
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • ouch...
  • indifference is my middle name some weeks...
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • ROFL!!!
  • It's just been a zoo around here
  • and then....
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • how so?
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • get this, some rougue TOM cat cruised through here, ate the garbage that someone had so considerately left in the kitchen, peed on the plastic lawn chairs on the front porch and ran off
  • a pigeon tried to walk in the back door yesterday. What the HELL?
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • lol
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • I sure hope the animals don't start driving and begin a Taxi service. I draw the line here
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • understand that
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • If they want to do the dishes, they can, but they need to stay away from the moving vehicles
  • really
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • so, one of my idiot friends in RuneScape was listening to me bitch and moan about the stupid happy Asshole Fire Giants my dork of a slayer master assigned me. All 154 of them
  • I asked him where the closest ones are from where I was in the world of Runescape at the time....
  • He's like blah, blah, blah, Brimhaven Dungeon...
  • which is like from here to the Sun.
  • So I said, hey, if they're any farther than my kitchen, they can go to Hell.
  • and my friend said they were probably in there doing the dishes
  • the whole Clan Chat disintegrated into hilarity
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • jI hope all this drivel amuses you; I work hard at it Rod. I like to spread my cheer wherever I go
  • I'm the only person in the world who thinks I'm the least bit funny.
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • LOL
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • and no, my roomies break their necks telling me I'm not getting funnier as I get older
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • doesn't slow me down any...
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • it sure hasn't. you were always funny in high school, but man, you really rock now
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • lol
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • I'm just an idiot and do the most bone-headed things imaginable
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • part of my charm... 
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • lamo
  • lmao
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • I started out that way..
  • lol
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • the sad thing? I did too and it never got better
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 

• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • yeah... you got the picture
  • my roommates had a real time tonight
  • I got my home office all spruced up
  • and then this giant fly, about the size of a Huey helicopter showed up when I broke out the cheese and crackers
  • this is why I have to clean this sty once a week
  • so, I flailed around at him
  • hit my new printer, tipped over a lamp, and knocked it over
  • so I'm like damn. I'm just going to tear up my nice neat office
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • you need to start a reality tv show..
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • I grabbed the handy Formula 409 bottle, and started running around the room, chasing the fly
  • it was getting dark, but can we be bothered to turn on a light?
  • NNNNOOOOOO
  • That would be WWWWAYYYY too sensible
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • that's why I blog this nonsense. A reality show would rock, though. Everyone on Nebraska Avenue is insane
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 
  • works for me.
  • my kind of people
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • and Runescape is supposed to be an escape
  • It's an escape all right. Every loony from here to Alpha Centauri is on Runescape
  • and they are TRULY crazy
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • that does have the makeing of a great reality show...
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • the only difference between the RS players and the jokers who lived in my former homeless shelter, FSJ, is the fact that the RS players have a little better understanding of reality
  • I played all weekend, because they were granting 2 points for 1 point earned for all skilling credits
  • everyone was on and at one point, my roomie Opal thought she should call 911.
  • I laughed all weekend. We were swapping all our little experiences and memories
  • It was hysterical
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • nice
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • then, I got in a chat with a guy named Alfredo, alias Abyss11, and a guy named Assault99 popped up
  • well
  • The confusion started when I called Assault99 "Greg" only his name is Bryce.
  • Alfredo, aka Abbyss I started calling "bryce"
  • Abbyss was jabbering away and I said, "cool bryce"
  • and he yells out, "FFS, for the LAST TIME, I'm ALFREDO!!! Who the Hell is Bryce?!?!?"
  • I'm on the floor rolling around
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • lol
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • I said to him, well, we dyed the Hillsborough River green for St Patty's day. It must be something in the water.
  • Oh, and we all still have the shits here in Tampa
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • nice
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • my roommate Jimmie told me to say that, so it's his fault
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • lol
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • we are not wrapped tight over here in Tampa
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • so, that's the story, kind of.
  • but then, I started recounting some of my Clan Adventures to my roomies
  • They were just stupefied. Slack-jawed
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • keep em on their toes
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • ROFL!!!!! Snort
  • They're no better than I am
  • We don't drink
  • the last drink we all had was on New Year's Eve
  • 2 glasses of a tequila punch Opal and I made
  • well, SOMEBODY brought Communion wine into the house
  • we proceeded to celebrate the Transfiguration
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • who needs drink, sounds like you are haveing fun.. 
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • I had 2, 2 mind you, 4 oz glasses of it
  • I know; and we don't drink; we've all had people in our families who were alcoholics
  • and we know the lessons
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • I don't drink either
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • I was giddy; and I was listenin to the Final movement of Beethoven's Ninth

• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • right on
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • so..... I decided the whole of Nebraska Ave needed to hear "Ode to Joy" being how they aren't cheerful enough out there
  • LOUD
  • now, the roomies are rolling on the floor
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • But the fly won, I think
  • He manipulated me into doing a really swell St Vitus' dance on the bed, with my high intensigy flashlight, 409 and a fly swatter
  • beyond absurd
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • 
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • so, as you can see, we've moved from the animal-type encounters to insect contacts
  • Aliens are coming up next
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • cool
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • Rod, with your permission, I would love to put this conversation in my Blog. But I will not do it, if you don't want me too
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • cool with me..
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • I love you; you've always been so kind to me. Thank you my dear friend
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • you bet Mary..
  • I need to run. Must put some time in on the guitar before bed time... Peace and Grace my friend
• 
  

  4 hours ago

  Mary Wallace

  • are you sure I didn't just bore you into oblivion?
  • JK
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  4 hours ago

  Rod Chatfield

  • not at all.. always good to shat with you.
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    The people in Runescape are generally kind people. There are over 9 million players, and I don't know if they're all still active, or ir they lurk or just hang out in the various banks and make crap. Out of that 9 million, however, I am ranked number 289,946 with a bullet. But I won't get hit by it because they haven't invented bullets yet in Runescape. Or guns. Throwing bullets at people is not a good offense strategy. There are the usual competitions, fights, hackings, scammings and lurings that can make these games easy to hate. But, we're all still grinding away making jewelry, building houses, killing other people, each other, monsters and just generally acting like hooligans.

And this is actually one of saner conversations I've participated in.

The duck going "eep" in the background is a nice touch.

Someone has waaayyyy too much time to spend on frivolity.

You get the idea. I do play some games, but they have to be something I can tear up to keep my attention. This brings me to Crazy Roller Coaster. I think you can only run it in Chrome, as it came from their app store. This game is a total scream. I actually figured out how to play it like a normal child, but I prefer the kind of open-endedness that allows one to explore one's hidden talent as a mass-murderer. 

Level One, for those following along at home.

Boy, is this boring, or what?

This is starting to develop possibilities.

It's definitely more interesting now.

Valhalla awaits.

Götterdämmerung . Now, THAT's my idea of a ride! 

WHY ARE NPCs SO INCOMPETENT IN RUNESCAPE?

Back to Runescape. Most if not all MMORPGs have NPCs (Non Player Characters.) The ones in RS are particularly clueless, incompetent and lazy. The last quest I did was this asinine thing with the Dark Wizards in their Tower. They want to have some kind shindig for Christmas. Mind you, there are 4 floors plus a basement in this damn tower. Crammed full of wizards. These idiot quests always begin when some lame-o, nameless gorm asks for your assistance. Now, if we were talking about deciding the fate of Morytania, or Goblin Village, we might have something challenging to do. But NOOOOOOOOO. The NPCs stand around, beg for money and just generally are a pain in the ass. But they don't DO anything that anyone would give a shit about.

So, these jerky wizards decide they need to have this party and they need your help. They give me a list of random crap about nine miles long and you can't get anything in the same place. That violates some kind of wizard law. Well, Merlin did set the bar and he doesn't do a damn thing as far as I can tell, except bicker with Arthur all day. Maybe he has something there. 

Do you think these morons, seeing as how they're wizards and all, couldn't just conjure up all their party favors, pin-the-tail-on-the-Dragon games, balloons, cake, ice cream and Chivas Regal without my help? Nope. I guess it's in the wizard's Union Contract that you can be a wizard, but you better not actually DO ANYTHING. So, I proceed to run around all of Runescape getting all their nonsense and toting it to them. The tower should sink under the weight of all that plaster-of-paris they have on their broken legs. The wizards finally got their shit, and then proceeded to booger it all up, so they had a mess. End of quest.

I did a quest a few years ago called "One Small Favor." You start out by getting waylaid by Rosie the Riveter. She need some insect spray for her stupid geraniums. She asked me to go to Pestilence Pete for it. She's up in one of the northern-most kingdoms. I also have a kingdom, but I'm the only one who does a damned thing in it. Mine rocks, fish, farm, spin wool, milk cows and raise Hell killing those god-awful hairy trolls that mash you with rocks.

Anyway, off to see Pest Pete, who's in Ardougne, about a million cyber-miles. It's really only about nine feet in people distances. He thinks this is good,  

but he needs one piece of silk from the Pasha in Al Karid. You can't steal it next door in the Ardougne Market, because that would be too easy? Shit. Off to Pasha, who needs ice from the Ice Dragons. They live in the God Wars Dungeon, to the northeast of this mess. Ice Dragon Lothar, or Igmo, as I call him, needs a pencil from the dude who lives in Lumbridge, to the southwest of of God Wars. Dude the Duke needs some kittens from Gertrude in Varrock. She wants some of that faboo Sphinx toenail polish. You can see where this is going... And... After all this, what next? YOU HAVE TO REPEAT THE WHOLE THING BACKWARDS AND DROP ALL THIS CRAP OFF TO EACH INDIVIDUAL. It took me three weeks to finish this damned thing.

Of course, all you really accomplish is the collection of a bunch of items that eat up your bank space. I usually just drop them on the floor and the "Happy Acres" resident bums who lurk in banks snarfle them up. The only thing these spongers are good at is making money. The sawmill guy has got to be the richest man in RS. And he's an asshole to boot. I have dubbed this quest, "129,748 Useless Favors." One of these days, when you have time, I'll tell you about "The Underground Pass" quest, which I have dubbed "The Underpants Pass." It's riveting.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF SIFOTS 

Since we're pottering about in RS, I continue the theme with some virtual SIFOTS. Some of this nonsense might be pick-uppable in the real world, but probably not.

It's not just the NPCs who are clueless, the actual Forum Moderators are dolts, too.

This hung around Runescape for about 2 years. It has an actual theme song some yo-yo made up and recorded on YouTube. First person who finds it and emails me at www.homelessviola@gmail.com gets a time bomb.

Oops. How did this get here?

SpiritZ Stock Holder Meeting.

Why the Hell isn't he on his Saturday Show? I hate gate-crashers.

Only three hands? Everyone knows it's four. Pinhead.

Yes; Jagex had an IPO and now any old riff raff can join.

The screenshot heard 'round the world.

(Yes, really!)

Class of 2006

"Quit playing my organ, and get the Hell out of my house! Stalker! 

In future, I will tell you a bit more about the indigenous populations of RS and other MMORPGs and also we can take a peek at the economies of some of these games, and how they mirror the real world. 

So, that's our post for now. The editorial staff needs to get on the stick and plan this shit better. Fun-lovers, please do not email me with hate mail. If you play WoW, stick it in your ear!

Ciao my loves. I'll bellow at ya soon!

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